I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We need to get me chipped asap
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
