So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
