apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
two words: eviction party
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
