You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
