he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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