So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
