so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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