the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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