i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
