My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
