who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
