I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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