You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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