apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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