I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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