i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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