Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
