I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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