I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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