I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
