Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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