hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
