You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
