can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
