I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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