Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
