It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
