i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
