for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
