I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
