party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
