He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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