my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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