I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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