did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
