so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
