I want you more than these girls want KFC
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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