Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
