Banned from zoo.
Again?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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