At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
