I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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