I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
