i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
