just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
