Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
