Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
