ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
