dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
