Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
