whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
