Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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