Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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