I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
