Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
