We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just made my gag reflex go away.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
