He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
